Modern Nursery rhymes

MARY HAD A LITTLE PIG,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little .

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........

Spoiler:

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a pylon
1000 volts shot up its bum
and turned its wool to nylon

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay

Jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
jill came down with 25 pounds
and it wasnt for carrying water.

As a certain comedian said "You are awful, but I like you"
Every ones a cracker

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick
Dear oh dear he should have jumped higher
Oh good gracious, great balls of fire.