To which I replied, 'I'm late for work.'
To which he asked, 'What do you do?'
I responded, 'I'm a rectum stretcher'
The copper was surprised and confused, 'A rectum stretcher, and just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' I said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet.'
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, 'And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?'
To which I politely replied,
Spoiler:
Speeding ticket: £60.00
Penalty Points : 3
Court costs: £45
Look on copper's face: Priceless.