COVID

[rebbonk]

Hi, it’s me COVID-19, I’m on annual leave till Monday. After that, if there’s 6 of you in a house I’ll screw you all up, 5 is fine though and not worth fighting for.

I’m going to stay away from pubs and schools, I find them quite intimidating, although I didn’t in April and that’s why we had to close everything.

Go to the cinema that’s fine, 100 of you in a single auditorium, I won’t bother you there, solely because I can’t afford cinema ticket prices!

I’m not going to pick a fight with a football team, you can get changed around each other in the locker rooms, but please don’t bring girls back to your hotel room, or I’ll get you all. If there’s “Come dine with me” on TV, there can’t be more than 6 of you in the couples series Nothing personal, I just think the programme is crap and will target you all.

I’ve decided to leave aeroplanes alone, I don’t like flying so all of you can stay snuggled in that tiny cabin.

Oh, and you can open brothels in Amsterdam again, I’m not into people that have sex I’ll just watch, but if you’re in Asda less than 2 meters apart without a mask I’ll have you.

Kindest regards,

COVID xxx

[Melisandre]

Hey hospital national satistics says not one person have I killed as yet in the UK but to warn you my relatives the Flu and Pneumonia have killed thousands.