For the house...

[rebbonk]

The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.

Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. 'Do you realize what time it is," she said.

He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought something for the house.”

"Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she said, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"

Spoiler:

His answer was, "A round of drinks!"