Blondes...

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said “Look at that dog with one eye!”

Spoiler:

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”

I told my blonde wife that we needed to be eating more seafood.

Spoiler:

She got us some pasta shells.

A blonde walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help.

"I'd like a box of birdseed," said the lady.

"For which kind of bird?" he asked helpfully.

"Oh, I don’t know," she replied.

Spoiler:

"Whichever will grow the fastest?"

My blonde girlfriend went shopping online yesterday.

Spoiler:

She got hit by a train.

Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean I'm stupid...

I know my husband is having an affair and when I find out who

Spoiler:

Stella Artios is, I'm going to kill her!

A really fit blonde walked over to me in a club last night, "What do you do for a living?" she asked

"Accounting specialist," I said.

"Wow!" she replied,

Spoiler:

"What can you go up-to?"

A blonde goes into work and she's one hour late.

"How come you're late?" asked her boss.

"It was awful!" she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course!"

"What did you do?" asked her boss.

"Well, remembering what my instructor said, I went right into action. I sat down and

Spoiler:

put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

A blonde walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I'm horribly sick!"

The doctor looks at her and asks, "Flu?"

Spoiler:

"No, I drove here."

Just had to go to Tesco to get my blonde wife a very long pyrex dish.

Apparently the ones we already had

Spoiler:

were too short for the rhubarb pie she was making.

A blonde woman went to see a Doctor, complaining of an upset stomach.

The Doctor asked, "What did you have for dinner last night?"

"Oysters," she replied.

"Were the oysters fresh?" asked the doctor.

"How should I know?" said the lady.

"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the shells?"

"Oh my god," gasped the lady.

Spoiler:

"Are you supposed to take off the shells?"