Blondes...

(no racial sterotyping or sexually explicit language please)

More blonde jokes

Postby Spuffler » Sun Sep 16, 2012 1:07 pm

DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.


FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?'


CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor.'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'


'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'


KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs!'
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:12 am

Lynn & Judy were doing some carpentry work on a house.

Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in..

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ‘Why are you throwing those nails away?'

Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'

Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective!

Spoiler:
They're for the other side of the house!'
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Thu Sep 20, 2012 9:02 am

I said to my blonde girlfriend,"Why don't you get my jokes?"

Spoiler:
"Get them yourself you lazy :censored: " she replied.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Thu Sep 27, 2012 8:36 am

A local lawyer was sitting in his office the other morning when in walked a beautiful blonde woman.

Without any preliminaries she declared that she wanted a divorce.

"On what grounds?" asked the lawyer.

"I don't think he is faithful to me" she replied.

"And what makes you think he isn't faithful?" asked the lawyer.

"Well for one thing" replied the young lady "I don't think
Spoiler:
he's the father of my child".
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Oct 26, 2012 10:57 am

A blonde stopped by a pizza shop one night and ordered a medium pizza.

The Italian owner asked "How would you like that cut, in six or four pieces?"

After some thought, she answered, "Better cut it in four,
Spoiler:
I don't think I can eat six pieces!"
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:12 am

I told my blonde girlfriend my granddad was a kamikaze pilot.

Spoiler:
She can't wait to meet him.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Tue Nov 20, 2012 9:03 am

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?

Spoiler:
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:43 am

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit.

The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"

"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"

"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."

"I object!" the defense said again.

"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."

The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."

So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"

The blonde replied brightly,
Spoiler:
"I don't know."
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Thu Dec 13, 2012 9:31 am

A garage hired two blondes.

The owner explained that he wanted them to clean a car that was parked outside. He gave them two extension leads, the vacuum cleaner, a bucket, rags and the car keys.

Later he went out and discovered them sitting in the car, feet up on the dashboard, listening to the stereo.

"Why aren't you cleaning the car?" he asked.

"Because the extension leads wouldn't reach," was the reply.

Exasperated, he said, "That's why I gave you two."

Spoiler:
"Well, Duh, we tried the other one!" one blonde said. "It wouldn't reach either."
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Jan 11, 2013 11:25 am

Two blondes were listening to the radio when a commercial for a weight loss program came on.

The woman in the ad proudly proclaimed, "I lost six inches using this product!"

Puzzled, one blonde turned to the other and asked
Spoiler:
"Why would anyone want to be shorter?"
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