Blondes...

(no racial sterotyping or sexually explicit language please)

Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Mon Feb 27, 2017 12:09 pm

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence.

Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him £5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her £50.

The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

Without saying a word the blonde handed him £5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer.

Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde £50.

The blonde put the £50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Spoiler:
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him £5.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Sat Mar 11, 2017 10:40 am

The bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in comes four exuberant blondes.

They head up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices join in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.
Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the centre is a beautiful child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said
Spoiler:
2 - 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:47 am

A sales executive was helping a new blonde trainee prepare for her first weekend sales convention.

Upon their arrival in New York, the boss showed her the best places to eat, shop, and stay.

The following morning, as the group was organizing their material for the day¹s presentation, the executive noticed the trainee was missing.

He called the hotel where she was staying to ask what happened.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of my room!"

"You can't get out of your room? Why not?" asked the boss.

"There are only three doors in here," she sobbed. "One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one
Spoiler:
has a sign on it that says DO NOT DISTURB!
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Wed May 10, 2017 9:34 am

I pulled over when I saw a blonde woman stopped on the side of the road.

'You ok'? I asked.

'I've got a flat'.

Yeah,
Spoiler:
well I've got a three bedroom semi, but you don't see me parked on the side of the road bragging about it'.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Sat Jun 03, 2017 10:02 am

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.

They found a lamp and rubbed it.

A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.

The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.

The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.

The blonde said, "Awwww,
Spoiler:
I wish my friends were here."
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:27 am

A Blonde bought a brand new Car and decided to drive down from some place far off to meet her friend.

She reached there in a few hours.

After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening, but she didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either.

When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran to her and asked her "What Happened"

She got out of the car, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers, these people are crazy!
Spoiler:
They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Nov 10, 2017 11:30 am

A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was
Spoiler:
turn-signal fluid."
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Re: Blondes...

Postby Jock Strapp » Fri Dec 15, 2017 12:05 pm

Two mountaineers,one blonde and one brunette slipped and fell into a deep crevasse. Both managed to catch a rope as they fell. The brunette called to her friend "This rope will not hold both of us for long so I will let go so that you may live" As the brunette fell the blonde called after her " Thank you so much" And clapped her hands.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Mon Jan 01, 2018 12:32 pm

Blonde’s review of 2017

January - Took a new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels Helllloooo!!! bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make coffee.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a loch with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because sunroof was open.

September - The capital of Scotland is "S".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so feckin' hard to peel.

November - Baked Chicken for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Played the Christmas edition of Cluedo...I murdered the turkey, in the kitchen, with the oven.

Roll on 2018
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Re: Blondes...

Postby Jock Strapp » Thu Feb 22, 2018 1:56 pm

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop
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