Blondes...

(no racial sterotyping or sexually explicit language please)

Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Thu Jun 19, 2014 10:15 am

Wee blonde girl opens a packet of Cheerios one breakfast time and gushes 'Oh Mum, look at all the cute little doughnut seeds.'
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Tue Aug 26, 2014 7:43 am

A blonde goes over to visit one of her friends.

While she is at her friend’s house it starts to rain, so her friend suggests she spend the night at her house and go home the next day.

The blonde agrees that makes sense and goes into the den to watch TV while her friend goes upstairs to put the kids to bed.

When her friend comes downstairs, she finds the blonde coming in the front door, soaking wet.

She asks, “Where have you been?”

The blonde says,
Spoiler:
“I went home to get my pyjamas!”
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Oct 31, 2014 11:43 am

A road crew supervisor hired a blonde woman to assist his crew with painting the yellow line down the middle of the road. He was sceptical about hiring her, but she appeared enthusiastic and told him that she really needed the job. He explained to her the work assignment and told her she had to complete 2 miles of yellow line on her road. He then set her up with her brushes and paint and got her started.

After the first day, he was pleased to find that she did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in her 8 hour shift. He told her that she did an excellent job and how pleased he was with her progress.

On the second day, she completed painting 2 miles of road. The supervisor was surprised because on day one she had completed twice as much work. But, he did not say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure she would pick up her speed again.

On day 3 he was shocked to learn that in her 8 hour shift, she only completed painting 1 mile of road. He called her into his office and asked her what was the problem; "On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you are only able to complete 1 mile of road. Can I ask you, what is the problem?"

"Well," she replied,
Spoiler:
"I keep getting further and further away from the paint can."
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Nov 07, 2014 12:21 pm

My blonde wife just called me and said, "Dave, I've done what you've always said I should do and become an entrepreneur, instead of working down the chippy."

"Fantastic love, what have you done?" I enquired.

Spoiler:
"I've bought a 'tax disc holder' business from a guy on eBay," she replied.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Dec 05, 2014 11:40 am

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?

Answer: The brunette
Spoiler:
- the blonde would have to stop for directions!
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Wed Apr 22, 2015 11:55 am

Saw my blonde neighbour in the garden earlier. I popped my head over the fence and said, "Hi Sharon, where's your other half today?"

She thought for a moment ..
Spoiler:
Then pointed to her legs.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Wed Jun 03, 2015 10:37 am

My blonde wife thinks that USB is a back up plan just in case
Spoiler:
USA fails.
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Aug 21, 2015 9:54 am

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!
I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!
I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her,
"That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said...
"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack.
Spoiler:
Both tests came out positive!"
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Thu Feb 25, 2016 11:06 am

Two blondes walk in to a tanning salon.

The receptionist asks "Are you two sisters?"

They chuckle and reply

Spoiler:
"No, we aren't even Catholic."
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Wed Mar 30, 2016 10:48 am

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.

Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the square root of 100?"

"Ummm... 10!" the blonde says.

"Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. "OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

"Ummm... I don't know," she admits.

"Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's the last he'll see of her.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

"Not only did I get the job," the blonde says,
Spoiler:
"but I've already been assigned to a murder case!"
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