Blondes...

(no racial sterotyping or sexually explicit language please)

Re: Blondes...

Postby dutchman » Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:08 am

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming
from the bedroom.

She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,
sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's
dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says,
"Mummy Mummy Aunty Shirley is hiding in the
wardrobe & she has no clothes on"

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the
bedroom right past her husband...rips open the wardrobe door and sure
enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten Bitch', she screams.
Spoiler:
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around
naked playing hide and seek with the kids!'
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Re: Blondes...

Postby pollyanna » Mon Mar 08, 2010 10:14 am

:rolling: :rolling:
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Re: Blondes...

Postby dutchman » Sat Jul 03, 2010 9:07 pm

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they watched the boss leave work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.
After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early...she did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept out of the house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

Spoiler:
“No way!” the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!
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Re: Blondes...

Postby pollyanna » Thu Aug 19, 2010 3:39 pm

7 degrees of Blonde

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me !'

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me , ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.'

FIFTH DEGREE

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime . The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
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Re: Blondes...

Postby dutchman » Thu Aug 19, 2010 3:51 pm

:funny: The old ones are the best Polly :lol:
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Re: Blondes...

Postby pollyanna » Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:18 pm

dutchman wrote: :funny: The old ones are the best Polly :lol:



True!!
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:49 am

A blonde goes to pc world looking for curtains for her pc, the assistant says you don't need curtains for a computer.

Blonde says
Spoiler:
"hellooo it's got windows!"
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Oct 01, 2010 2:40 am

What did the blonde say when the aeroplane began to shake?
Spoiler:
"Must be an earthquake"
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Fri Oct 01, 2010 2:42 am

Blonde gets on a bus and asks for a return ticket.

"Where to?" asks the bus driver.

Spoiler:
"Duh, back here!"
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Re: Blondes...

Postby rebbonk » Thu Oct 07, 2010 3:08 am

A blond phoned 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The operator replied, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." he says.
Spoiler:
"She got in the back-seat by mistake."
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