I got home from the pub at 3am this morning.
My wife screamed, "Where the hell have you been?"
I said, "I left the pub at 11pm, but I was so drunk it took me 4 hours to find our house. I've been across fields, through bushes and I've got some really deep scratches".
She said, "Well that's stupid, why didn't you just get a cab?"
I said,