You'll never believe it (Bit naughty)

[rebbonk]

I was vacuuming the other day when I tripped on the cord and landed on the nozzle, which violently entered my bottom.

I was highly embarrassed

Spoiler:

and spent four and a half hours in the hospital waiting room desperately trying to convince everyone that I had actually been having sex with the Hoover and that my wife does all the cleaning.