Chatting with the wife...

As I sat down with a whisky, my wife said, "paint the fence, clean the car, fix the roof...?"

"Go to Paris, have kinky sex with a busty blonde model and stay sober," I replied.

"What are you on about?" she snarled.

"Oh," I said, "I thought we were talking about things

Spoiler:

I'm not going to do today."