Girlfriend

I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents the other day.

After saying hello my Dad pulled me to one side and whispered "you could have done better than that son. She's the ugliest pig I've ever seen! She must weigh 23 stone. Covered in spots. lips like a cod, she’s got a beard, she’s cross eyed, got a bald head, size 15 feet and she stinks!!"

I said

Spoiler:

"there's no need to whisper dad she's deaf!..."