Thoughts at 84 years

THOUGHTS FROM AN OLD SOLDIER.

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world,

I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. But... Wife was saying that childbirth is more painful than a kick in the scrotum. I have often heard women say that it would be lovely to have another child but never heard a man saying " It would be lovely to have another kick in the nuts" I rest my cases

Here are a few other ramblings.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while

A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:



1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the lamp post; the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

16. It's not hard to meet expenses.... they're everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter, I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm "here after".

19.. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE.... ?

21. Who is the Dutchman?


And...... Great to be away from mentally retarded moderators on another forum but if my ramblings are deleted I probably wont remember posting this.





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Oh so true except one Jock Strap

Woman have a gene built inside them which makes them forget how painful being in labour is.

The Dutchman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=429PaSejZCE

All so true.

Thanks for replies.
Especially the reply from Melisandra who said.
"Woman have a gene built inside them which makes them forget how painful being in labour is." Well if you wish to test this I am free on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The doctor told me that I can have sex at 84. I am rather pleased about that as I live at 82 so only have to go next door.
On the other hand. Yesterday wife and I were chatting about our first PC and I said that there is no such thing as a 3 1/2" floppy any more. Wife replied saying there certainly is.

Thanks for replies.
Especially the reply from Melisandra who said.
"Woman have a gene built inside them which makes them forget how painful being in labour is." Well if you wish to test this I am free on Tuesdays and Thursdays. .

Your welcome Jock Strap . I dont need to test it as I am past bearing children I had 3 children which produced 9 grand children which they are the ones testing it now having 7 great grand children plus I would nt want to be cited the guilty party in your divorce with your wife and the three and half inch floppy