Sun Apr 25, 2010 5:25 pm
30. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.
29. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.
28. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.
27. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.
26. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”
25. They can’t live without tension. Every once in a while she’s gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.
24. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.
23. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.
22. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.
21. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.
20. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.
19. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.
18. It never hurts to say you’re sorry, even if you don’t mean it.
17. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.
16. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
15. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.
14. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!
13. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.
12. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.
11. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.
10. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.
9. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.
8. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.
7. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.
6. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.
5. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they’re more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.
4. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.
3. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.
2. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”
1. You’ll probably never know how many guys she’s slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.