Scousers

Mon Nov 23, 2009 5:20 pm

A man in Tesco's tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,

'Some prat out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.'

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way..

Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

'Liverpool , sir,' the boy replied. 'Well, why did you leave Liverpool?' the manager asked.

The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.'

'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Liverpool.'

'You're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'

Mon Nov 23, 2009 5:32 pm

Scouser went into a jobcentre and was asked what pay and conditions he was looking for.

"£45k a year and only two days a week," was his response.

"How about, that, plus a fully expensed car, free health care and access to a fully funded corporate executive jet?" enquired the assistant.

"Gosh, you're joking?"

"Well, you started it mate!"

Wed Nov 25, 2009 3:02 pm

Why are Liverpool supporters useless at making Pancakes?
Because they're all useless tossers.

Q. Why do pigeons fly upside down over Liverpool?
A. Because there's nothing worth shitting on.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin