Grot Yarmouth.

[Jock Strapp]

I have spent a lot of time in Great Yarmouth, not really my fault. I blame my wife who goes there to visit her sister.
Those of you who know Grot Yarmouth may appreciate the following ramblings.


NORFOLK HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the
Richter Scale hit Norfolk in the early hours of Monday with its epicentre in
Great Yarmouth. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering
"faaackinell".


The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol
were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their giros arrived. Radio Norfolk reported that hundreds of
residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to
terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Great Yarmouth.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 19-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next
morning."


Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as
normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos
and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after - items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa
tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female), White sport socks,
Rockport boots, Any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be
harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals,
Tins of baked beans,
Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys B&H
and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," GORLESTON" said the girl, "woss
that gotta do wiv you?"


AND ONE LAST THING. FOUR YARMOUTH MEN IN A CAR. WHO IS DRIVING?

A POLICEMAN.

[rebbonk]

I spent many a happy holiday on South Denes, but as I got older it became progressively more difficult for a group of males to hire a caravan.

Shame really, as it was a great place.

[dutchman]

It was an international holiday resort in the nineteenth century visited by the crowned heads of europe, or have I got Great Yarmouth confused with somewhere else?

[Jock Strapp]

Doubt if many crowned heads go there now Dutchman.Perhaps George the 111 went there but I have my doubts about that .
The town has been featured twice on Benefit Britain. Unemployed may just as well be at the seaside living in a squat as living in a squat in Birmingham or elsewhere.
My brother in law owned a taxi firm in Grot Yarmouth on South Beach Rd and did quite well. He had a stroke and passed the business to his son Albert. The business is now named Albies Taxis. I call Albert Alb,. To me ALB means Annoying Little Bastard, My wife craks up when I call him that, one day he may realise.
Even Nelsos statue is the wrong way round, looking over Southtown, no wonder he looks miserable.
Rebbonk, if you wish to book a caravan break at Yarmouth just book for three men and three women, they never check. Also, the town is known for teenage promisquity.I believe that if checked the girls would have a higher sperm count than the boys.

[rebbonk]

I believe that if checked the girls would have a higher sperm count than the boys.

That may well have had a bearing on why we used to go there. I do remember one particularly 'adventurous' week with a group of girls from Sheffield, but I was a lot younger then.