Maybe not quite so funny

[rebbonk]

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?

- No sir this is Google's pizza.

- Sorry, I must have dialled a wrong number?

- No sir, Google bought out Gordon's Pizza a short while ago.

- OK. Take my order please.

- OK sir, would you like your usual?"

- The usual? You know me?

- According to our caller-ID database, your last 12 orders were for pizza with cheese and sausage toppings, thick crust and crisp.

- OK! That's it...

- May I suggest this time you add ricotta, arugula with dry tomato toppings?

- What? I hate vegetables.

- Your cholesterol is not good, sir."

- How do you know that?

- We cross-matched your phone number with your name and your online medical portal. We have the result of your blood tests for the past 7 years.

- Okay, but I do not want those toppings, I already take medicine ...

- Excuse me, but you have not taken your medicine regularly. We can see from our database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at CVS.

- I bought more from another pharmacy.

- Such a transaction is not showing in your credit card account.

- I paid in cash.

- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your recent bank statement.

- I have another source of cash.

- That is not showing as per your latest tax return unless you obtained it from an undeclared income source.

WHAT THE.....

- "I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.

- Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to spy on me.

- "I understand sir but you'll need to renew your passport first as it expired 6 weeks ago!

[Melisandre]